I have a secret to tell, don't worry it's not someone else's secret, it's my own. I have a crush! Yes I know it sounds like a pathetic secret and some of you all ready knew this secret but it's still important because there have been new events and new descisions that have been made.
Now where to start...first off I'm not sure if this is really just a crush. That's how it started anyway, like a crush. Than over time of getting to know this person I started wishing I could spend more time with this person, and thinking about him at odd times. Wondering what he was doing, or wondering how he was doing. Wondeing if he was sad, if he was happy and if he a good day or a not so good day. I started looking forward to hearing from him, or taking to him.
A while ago I decided that I would tell (which I still haven't done) but....
Than these past few months conversations just stopped he was busy, I was busy, and I began thinking maybe it was just a crush, maybe I'm just making things up in my own head. Maybe I need to pray some more! Which is what I do whenever I think about this guy. I pray. Not for him to like me or to want a relationship with me. I pray for his well being. I really honestly care about him, and that's what scares me. I'm scared I let myself get to attached or to involved. I'm let my emotions get the better of me. And I think that's what scares me the most, is I can't control my emotions.
I can't control the huge grin that crosses my face whenever someone brings him up. I can't stop the flutter in my stomach whenever I see an e-mail from him, I can't stop the feeling of my heart squeezing whenever I talk to him. I just can't! But that's the way God made us. Emotions and all.
Well anyway, yesterday, I had decided that it's time to give up this crush. I prayed and felt a bit better I thought I had made the right descision, after all we hadn't talked in over two months. And than yesterday afternoon guess who I talked to. Yup I know, hard to believe the same day I was contemplenting giving up this crush or whatever it is, I talk to him, and he remembered my birthday. I'll call it devine intervention. So I've come to the conclusion. That I'm going to tell him. It will be hard and I might chicken out, but you only get a few chances before they're all gone.
I'll tell you what happens! It won't be for another few weeks so don't hold your breath and be checking everyday to see what happens. Just pray for me! And pray that I'll have the courage to go through with it. If not I could always let him read this blog!
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4 comments:
lol, Joce. I started reading this and thought "Jocelyn has a new crush!? She's over ****!?" (I didn't put his name because I noticed your omission of his name throughout the entry)
So you're going to tell him? *squeels*.. do tell me all about it when you do.. (are you going to wait until he's home?)
All, I can say is... It's about time! lol
Good luck
I second Lindsays opinion...it's been too long to be living in agony like this! I mean, it's not like the world is going to open and suck you up when you do. It'll be awesome! I'll be thinking of you!
P.S. I thought for a second that I had missed your b-day, but I'm happy that I was a few days away (I knew it wasn't here yet!)
Yes, I do plan to tell when he gets home...I really hope he's not ramdomly reading this! He comes home next week. ooo funny story to tell each of you. But just in case he's reading this...I won't tell you it on here. lol...you'll have to wait.
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