*WARNING*

This Blog may be depressing!

Hey I just thaought I would warn you. (Sorry for anyone who checks this regularily I haven't been updating) But if you do check it regularily you know I haven't been writing because my jobs keep me so busy and tired all I do is go to work and than go to sleep. To get out to Nick's on Sunday night was well...a miracle.

Now for the reason I wanted to write this: A woman In my unit died today. This is officailly my third death which doesn't sound to bad considering some nurses have worked in paliative care for many many years. But with every death it's hard. But I think this one was really sad because she was younger she was only 50 years old. Her youngest child was only 17. I don't want to imagine what life will be like for that child. It's something I don't like thinking about because I'm too close to the situation. I really don't know If I feel sad, or if I feel nothing at all and I think it would be worse to feel nothing at all, but you do have to put a block up to protect yourself. But you still need to feel, because once you become heartless I don't think you're human anymore, and I never want to be a heartless nurse I care about my patients. Which is why I need to put that block up so I don't get hurt every single time one of them dies.

Well we are anticipating a very busy and emotional weak on the unit. There is currently four patients "actively dying" (nursing term that sounds disgusting but it's actually used) yeah they are going to go one after the other and when that happens it can get really hard emotionally especially for the nurses. You don't really have proper time to grieve and then all of a sudden another one goes.

yeah so that's what it's kind of like working in a place where your patients know they are dying. yeah I feel like I'm loosing my senses half the time.

It is August case you missed the month change. Meaning September is coming up fast, and I have no clue as to what to do about that...that's just a looming cloud right over my head. I'm excited but TERRIFIED! I shouldn't be as scared as I was last year, which in reality I'm not, I'm really not that scared...

that's all for now folks, send me an email every now and than...maybe I'll actually feel like someone cares...oh yeah thanks for the phone call Lin, sorry I wasn't here to answer it!! ;)