Deep thoughts

Hello Yall!!

I am back in school, it's been a few hectic days in my neck of the woods. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed, but I know I can handle it. You know when profs first hand out your syllabus and you glance over it, and you can't help but hyperventilate. Yeah that was my wednesday. And than on Thursday I tool a course about suicide intervention. It was a whole day kind of thing. It was kind of interesting. Than today I did orientation at the hospital for 3AS, which is obstetrics. Which is when you take care of Mom and baby after she has given birth. Now I did get to see my instructor bath a new born baby, the baby was so cute. Now I have a little story from one of my textbooks. It's about death. this really made me think, and I even cried because what this girl said is so true.

ON DEATH
I am a student nurse. I am dying. I write this to you who are, and will become, nurses in the hope that by my sharing my feelings with you, you may someday be better able to help those who share my experience.
I'm out of the hospital now--perhaps for a month, for sic months, perhaps for a year--but no one likes to talk aobut such things. In fact, no one likes to talk about much at all. Nursing must be advancing, but I wish it would hurry. We're taught not to be overly cheery now, ot omit the "Everything's fine" routine, and we have done pretty well. But now one is left in a lonely silent void. with the protective 'fine, fine" gone, the staff is left with only their own vulnerability an fear. The dying patient is not yet seen as a person and thus cannot be communicated with as such. He is a symbol of what every human fears and what we each know, at least academically, that we too must someday face. What did they say in psychiatric nursing about meeting pathology with pathology to the detriment of both patient and nurse? and there was a lot about knowing one's own feelings before you could help another with his. How true.
But for me, fear is today and dying is now. You slip in and out of my room, give me medications and check my blood pressure. is it because I am a student nurse, myself, or just a human being, that I sense you fright? And your fears enhance mine. Why are you afraid? I am the one who is dying!
I know you feel insecure, don't know what to say, don't know what to do. But please believe me, if you care, you can't go wrong. Just asmit that you care. That is really for what we search. We may ask for why's and wherefore's but we don't really expect answers. don't run away--wait--all I want to know is that there will be someonw to hold my hand when I need it. I am afraid. Death may get to be a routing to you, bit it is new to me. You may not see me as unique, but I've never died before. To me, once is pretty unique!
Your whisper about my youth, but when one is dying, is he really so young anymore? I have lots I wish we could talk about. It really would not take much of your time because you are in here quite a bit anyway.
If only we could be honest, both admit of our fears, touch one another. If you really care, would you lose so much of your valuable professionalism if you even cried with me? Just person to person? Then it might not be so hard to die--in a hospital--with friends close by

Anonymous