hmm, got me thinking?

ok, so I read my friends blog about selfishness, and the first thing that popped into my mind was she's talking about me...but than I was like if she thought I was being selfish, than she would have told me !! Which got me thinking, If the first thing my mind goes to when someone talks about being selfish is to myself, than maybe I have been being selfish. Maybe it's my unconcious coming out in me. Maybe I think what I'm doing is more important than anything else. Maybe I haven't been paying attention to anyone else...I mean anyone. Including my friends, my family, even Jesus. I've ignored everyone. I keep saying to myself oh your busy...but I'm not. If I have time to sit down and write a blog about...how knows what, I should have enough time for everyone else.

Which also brings me to the fact that I don't feel like I'm being selfish, but maybe the way I'm acting and the way I say things sounds like I think of myself more than others. Maybe I have to watch my attitude.

But on the other hand, if I keep following the pack, what kind of person will I be. Will I need other people to make my descisions. Will I be able to stand alone when the time came. Maybe this is the time to be selfish. Concentrate on school, on your job, and be proud of your accomplishments. Is that being selfish?? If you have an explanation of what line you cross that brings you to selfishness, I would like to know. I hate to thing of myself as being selfish...I mean really who has heard of a selfish nurse!!

It's not in the job description to be selfish as a nurse. And Nursing right now feels like it's my life. Maybe that's where I'm being selfish...I only think about nursing...I don't see the other things that are around me! I only see ME!!!

Is that a completely bad thing though...for so long, I've felt like my opinion didn't matter. That I didn't matter. That I didn't fit in somehow sometimes. Sometimes I had to change myself to create someone who fit in. Is that right?

Now though, I'm me, with no one really around. I have Lin, but I will always have her, nothing will change that. But we are both so busy that we haven't noticed that the only thing we talk about is school, I remember when we used to be on the phone for hours. But I guess things change. I have Kell, But we're in two different places, doing the same thing, that could get difficult, and than I have Kyla, who is away doing her own thing, and I'm so proud of her, but where's the connection? Than the guys are always going to be there (away but still there) If I need advice they are just an e-mail away.

But there is no one here for me...is that being selfish??

Is wanting someone in your life that really cares about you...I mean like totally devoted to you so wrong. Is that being selfish?

Ok, I'm done talking. My friends don't take it personally, you can't fill this void. I'm not sure what this void is, but I'll tell you when I find out :) Your friendship helps!!

I'm done sounding sad and pathetic...I guess I'm being SELFISH!!
I know bad ending:)